Peter and Napoleon

I have heard this story few years ago during one of Wisconsin Story Tellers Get Together event.

Peter was a Russian peasant living in Ivantown of West Russia. Ivantown was such a small town that French soldiers did not notice its existence in the map when French invaded Russia in 1812.

Two years after French invasion, French retreated in a hurry. Retreating French soldiers occasionally strayed and wandered around the farms of Ivantown looking for shelter and help; so were the Russian soldiers who were chasing and hunting after the French soldiers. Peter was apolitical; when French needed help, he helped them. Peter also helped the Russian soldiers if they need food or shelter.

One day, there were two French came to Peter asking for help. One was a normal size French soldier; one was very short. The short French soldier wore a special uniform decorating with many shining medals.

"Hide me, please" The French soldiers pleaded.
"Why don't you go under that mattress", Peter said.

Peter then put sheets covering the mattress.

Few moment later, a group of Russian soldiers came to Peter.

"Have you seen any French soldiers?" , the Russian soldiers asked.
"No", Peter said.

The Russian soldiers searched the house, poke everything with their bayonets. After finding nothing in the house, the Russian soldiers went away.

"You save our lives," the French soldiers said coming out the mattress.
"I am the French emperor, the mighty, all powerful Napoleon," the short French soldier continued, " because you have saved our lives, in return, I am going to grant you three wishes".

"What are your three big wishes in your life?" the French asked.

After hesitating a while, Peter said, " I have married my wife for more than 40 years. I love my wife; but because I am so poor, I don't have money to buy her a gift. So, my first wish is to buy a pair of dress shoe for my wife."

" Your first wish is granted. we will buy your wife the most fashionable French dress shoes for your wife. What is your second wish? " asked Napoleon.

" We lived in this house for more than 25 years", after hesitating a few moment, Peter continued, " the roof is leaking. I would like to have my roof repaired."

"Your second wish is granted. We will fix your roof with the best materials produce in France. What is your third wish? Make it big; because I am the emperor. I can do anything."

This made Peter hesitating even more. Being a simple Russian peasant, a new roof and a pair of new shoes were good enough for him. "What is my third wish? " Peter thought hard.

Finally, he said to Napoleon,

"A few moment ago, you were hiding below a mattress while the Russian soldiers were poking with their bayonets. What was your feeling?"

Napoleon suddenly became very angry. "This is an insult to the emperor. Soldiers take him"

Any person giving insult to the French emperor would be shot. The French soldiers seized Peter and tied him to a post.

French execution of a prisoner usually took place at dawn. The prisoner would be taken to a place in front of a firing squad. Under the commanding order, "1" means soldiers would take the firearm; "2" means "to aim"; and "3" means "to shoot".

At the dawn, Peter was brought to the place in front of a firing squad. French soldiers put a blindfold over his eyes.

"1", the commander ordered, and the soldiers reached out their fire arms.

"2", and the soldiers were aiming at Peter.

"Stop". came a voice of a galloping personal messenger from Napoleon.

"Peter's life will be spared." said the messenger. The messenger also handed Peter a note, a handwritten note from the emperor.

"You were asking me how I felt when Russians were poking the mattress with the bayonets. I think after you survived the firing squad, you should have got your answer from this experience."